Comrades! Thanks to the vigilance of the People’s Kosmittee, the Democratic Peoples’ Underground Guard and other proletarian heroes, we have identified dangerous counter-revolutionary treason in our midst! It is with sadness and personal disappointment that I must denounce Barack Obama.
It has come to light that “Comrade” Obama has abused his position as Leader, Premier and Party Chancellor to sell out our revolutionary aspirations in unauthorized, secretive negotiations with the enemies of the people’s democracy. His negotiations will allow the exploiters to continue to withhold a substantial portion of what they owe the State — a substantial portion of their ill-gotten income ripped from the calloused hands of the workers and diverted to fund their soft, bourgeois lifestyle.
To allow the imperialist despoilers of the Earth to continue to wallow in their decadence at the expense of the masses in exchange for a few crumbs from the capitalist table is unacceptable.
Clearly, this is a crime against our Glorious State, against the Class Revolution and against the People.
As I said, this revelation brings no joy. Comrade Obama has stood with us on many a bloody field of the Revolution. From vanquishing the imperialistic Chrysler creditors and securing the GM motherland for the UAW, to breaking the student loan industry oppression, to routing the greedy capitalists who wished to deny healthcare to the proletariat, his heroism was noted by a grateful media and celebrated on the ethanol farms and in the factories and faculty lounges across the glorious nation. The Huffington Post, Washington Post and New York Times all sang of his efforts to ensure the Workers Paradise.
But something has happened to our once dear comrade. Something sinister. He has been corrupted and debauched by financiers and industrialists, the imperialists and the militarists. Oh, he still talks of them as “enemies,” but the evidence shows he actually met with messrs. Boehner and McConnell. We are told he may have shaken their hands, and even offered them soft-drinks!
Therefore, mindful of prior service to the cause, Obama has been granted a trial. Comrade Podesta will represent him, and evidence will be given by comrades Weiner, Grayson, Pelosi, Stark, McDermot and others. Then it will be the whole “look down at the drain please,” BANG! We’ll have his face airbrushed from the official photos and begin to celebrate the Benevolent Revolutionary Leadership of Chairman Feingold.
Long live the Revolution!