Olbermann on Gore’s Network? So Much Evil, so Few Viewers

Gore Olbermann 2012!

Well this makes sense. Less than a month after Keith Olbermann was unceremoniously chopped from MSNBC, it’s rumored he’s going to Al Gore’s Current TV network.

You forgot Al had a network, didn’t you? That’s OK. The last time Current TV broke news was when two of its own female “reporters” were captured north of the DMZ and charged as spies by Kim’s “government.” (Sorry, but the whole episode invites the use of scare quotes). All ended well, however. Turned out Kim was just jealous that Jimmy Carter was spending all his time coddling Hamas. All Jimmy had to do was show up with flowers and candy and swear Kim was the only one he’d ever loved. Boom – Gores gals were suffering through a trans-Pacific flight with Grandpa Malaise.

(Always thought that incident was weird on Kim’s part, since he shared a benefactor with Al “No Controlling Legal Authority” Gore. The last half-decade of the Yangtse Doodle Dandy’s political career was largely funded by Chi-Com cash. Our current Secretary of State’s brief senate career too.)

Anyway, we know Al probably has deep enough pockets to lure Olbermann. After all, he can afford a yearly electric bill higher than the balance on most people’s mortgages.

And we know that the move is in line with Keith Olbermann’s brilliant career path. Talk about defining a niche and really exploiting it – from ESPN to MSNBC to Current TV. Next stop is the Berkely, CA public access cable system, and finally, it’ll just be Keith Skyping with Hugo Chavez.

But in the mean time, ya gotta figure the atmosphere around the Current TV offices will be enough to make AL’s gals pine for the Nork Gulag. It’s hard to imagine two more unappealing personalities in the same zip code. Gore is, in Jonah Goldberg’s immortal formulation, a lisping human toothache. And what with his divorce, he’s a lisping human toothache playin’ the field, assumedly with the same social skills he displayed in the 2000 debates, or in his interactions with Pacific Northwest masseuses.

Add to that Keith Olbermann, consumed with hatred for every cool kid that ever administered a swirly to him and every girl that laughed off his advances, and you’ve got a Fortune “Best Places to Work” shoe-in.

Oh to be a fly on the wall the day Olbermann won’t get out of the bath tub to do the show because a cameraman refused to get him a bagel, and Gore’s standing outside the door lecturing him about all the hot water he’s using.

And Olbermann’s on-air schtick isn’t likely to work as well in the new environment, since the Goricle will demand that he name the “Worst Person in the World” every night “Every last one of you carbon spewing human vermin.”

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