I admit it. I’m envious. Everybody but me seems to get a “Day of Rage.” The Iraqis, the Yemenis, Egyptians, Lybians, Tunisians, Jordanians, heck, even some Israeli settlers had one. In Wisconsin, the public sector union members even stirred themselves from the faculty lounge sofas and donut shops for a “Month of Rage.”

So it’s only fair that I have a “Day of Rage” too. I have a bull horn and posters with pictures of people I’m raging at – all with little Hitler mustaches drawn on in Sharpie.

(Question: Before Hitler came along, what did angry liberals draw on pictures of people they didn’t like? And what if you were protesting Hitler himself? Would you erase the mustache?)

I have a site all picked out – near the county government center. It’s wide open enough to accommodate huge seething crowds of the disenfranchised, but has several tall buildings, atop which network camera crews can get panoramic footage of the swelling throng.

The only problem is the swelling throng. If it lasts for more than four hours, contact your doctor. But my problem is I don’t have a crowd for my “Day of Rage.” Your really successful “Days of Rage” tend to have a cast of tens of thousands. No matter how great the rage, the sight of just one guy pumping his fist in the air and shouting into a bullhorn detracts from the sense of historical drama. Plus, it’s hard to surround and intimidate counter-protesters or hostile reporters.

Sure, I could bus in out-of-state union workers and scour the campuses for young people in need of a bath, but after the cost of the poster and the permit for my demonstration, I’m kinda tapped out.

Yes, I’m short on everything but Rage! Why, I have so much RAGE I can hardly stand it, I … well, maybe not that much rage. Now that I think about it, I have a lot less rage than I thought. I mean, there’s some rage … ok, not much.

I wonder if the demonstration permit is still good if I change it to a “Day of Mild Pique?”

Related posts:

1. Nerd Rage
2. A Prank Phone Call For the Ages