Stupac – I once set the land speed record for a human, although it was promptly broken. I love the Phillies, football and expensive bourbon which I cannot afford.

JDubb – In 2002, a right-wing journalist was blacklisted among his colleagues for a crime of conservative bomb-throwing that he actually did commit. This man promptly escaped from a mid-level media market in the South to the Washington, D.C. underground. Today, still despised and in exile, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find him, maybe you can hire JDubb.

SkinnieMinnie – An opinionated, conservative woman. Product and victim of the one and only Golden State.  Sometimes, she stares into the night sky just looking for shooting stars… or Dick Cheney.

Blind Blueberry Shortstack – was born a middle class white child in Brooklyn, NY. A prodigy, at seven he famously predicted that anonymous blog bios would be completely fabricated. After a substandard education, he overcame his fear of gravy to earn the reputation as the “Pot Roast King of Cranston, Rhode Island.” At the height of his power, Blind Blueberry sold his lunch truck empire and donated the proceeds to fund penguin research. Now a semi-political demi-journalist, he resides in the DC area, cause Marion Barry knows where the good drugs are. His hobbies include manipulating currency markets to devalue the Euro, and painting toy soldiers.